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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Beating That Beat Up All By Himself

OK. Maybe I was a little premature with my whole "good-bye forever, Jersey Shore" thing. Apparently, rumors abound that some members of Jersey Shore's cast want to wring one or two more seasons out of this whole situation. Other sources report that the cast members pretty much despise one another and are ready to get back to gymming, tanning, and laundering solo. Another even more differenter source says that The Situation has gained 300-pounds and taken to wandering around his sparsely furnished mansion in a stained Hawaiian shirt, mumbling to himself about the time everybody thought he ate the cake Deena and Snooki made for Danny even though he didn't and how it made him hella sad. Again, these are just rumors.

I guess I thought Jersey Shore was coming to a close because of the reports that Jwoww and Snooks are currently filming their own spin-off show and Pauly D's new program, The Pauly D Project, premieres on March 29 at 10:30 PM on Mtv. Oh, you hadn't heard? Then I guess you haven't seen the preview yet either, have you?

Why this might be good:

1. Despite the ridiculous hair-plateau he sports, Pauly D (real name Paul DelVecchio) seems like a fairly decent guy, and I don't mind it when fairly decent guys make good. I mean, imagine a show that follows Mike Sorrentino around post-Jersey Shore. What does that guy do? Sure, Pauly plays records for a living (I could play records for a living. Seriously. Somebody pay me to play records at your next party. I guarantee you'll enjoy yourself.), but The Situation does nothing. For reals.

2. That fat guy's girlfriend is pretty hot.

Why this might/probably will be bad:

1. Ryan is your best friend/wing man, Pauly? What about Vinny? I've spent five seasons of Jersey Shore watching a love affair blossom between you two crazy guidos, and now I've got to hear from an extended first look at your spin-off show that you already had a best friend and that best friend's name is Ryan? Bullshit!

2. As mentioned earlier, Pauly D plays records for a living. This is a show that follows him around. So, this is a television program that follows around a guy who plays records for a living and shows him playing records. That sounds horrible.

3. I don't see any Jersey Shore cast member cameos in this commercial. Surely, Snooki stops by with a jar of pickles at some point, right? Maybe Deena shows up at a gig and flashes her vagina to a group of fist-pumping frat boys. One can dream.

4. Wait. Pauly D is signing a record deal? How does a DJ get a record deal? Is the deal that he will buy all of the records he plays exclusively from 50 Cent? That's gotta be it. An album from a DJ is just a mix tape, right?

Time will tell, but I'm going to venture an educated guess and say that The Pauly D Project is going to suck meatballs, which is too bad, because I like it when fairly decent guys make good.

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