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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Tawdry Tuesday: New and Improved and Sexxy

So, yeah, Tawdry Tuesday has pretty much been a bust up to this point. Melrose Place failed to provide the cheap, titillating thrills I had hoped for. Plus, it kinda sucks. I mean, have you actually seen an episode of Melrose Place? It's crappy. Even by 90's standards. And I'm pretty sure it doesn't get any better. Also, I've not seen a single episode of Mad Men, yet I was totally prepared to watch seven seasons of Melrose Place. There's something deeply wrong with that.

So, yeah, I didn't like Melrose Place. I do, however, like Tawdry Tuesday. Monday is the dreaded first day of the work week and, therefore, a total bum-out; Wednesday, known in some circles as "Hump Day," is the day Americans traditionally hump one another; on Thursday most people flip the switch to neutral and coast into Friday; and Friday, well, you've got to get down on Friday, right? I mean, everybody's looking forward to the weekend weekend, RIGHT??? What's Tuesday got? Nothing. So, I'm filling Tuesdays up with tawdriness galore. Here's what you, dear perverted reader, can look forward to on Tuesdays in the coming months:
April--Body of Evidence

Madonna, Willem Dafoe and Joe Mantegna?!? That's almost too sexy (you know, except for the Willem Dafoe and Joe Mantegna part).

May--Original Sin

Sinning is, like, the sexist thing a person can do. I can only imagine the varieties of sin Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie could get into together.

June--Blown Away

That's right: the Coreys made an erotic thriller. I don't believe it either. We'll get to the bottom of this soon enough.

July--The Last Seduction

Get your tube socks ready, gentleman and ladies. I have a feeling this one is gonna be eroticker than hell.

Meet me back here one week from today for the all-new, Melrose Place-free Tawdry Tuesday. I promise it'll be the sexiest thing you ever do aside from actual sex.

(Also, don't wait until next Tuesday to visit GEP. There's going to be all kinds of stuff to new stuff to read before then. Just sayin'.)


Gabe Sealey-Morris said...

I don't think The Last Seduction belongs on your list. It's actually a good movie.

Matt said...

Oddly enough, I prefer watching good movies to bad ones. I admit that is not always clear from what I write about on this silly blog. The idea was to give myself a palate cleanser at the end of the month. I'm encouraged to hear that I made the right choice. The rest of the month though...ugh.