There are two kinds of people in this world: regular folk (policemen, firefighters, organ donors, etc) and true, red-blooded heroes; men and women who selflessly rise up against the tyrannies of modern existence and do something great. Men like Yong Hyun Kim of Kent, Washington, who came face-to-face with inarguably the most wretched example of human filth on the planet, the movie disrupter, and took a stand. A heroic stand. Yes, Yong Hyun Kim punched a 10-year-old boy in the face. I'm swooning. Is anybody else swooning.
Here's how it went down:
A Washington state man fed up with a group of noisy moviegoers behind him, stepped over the seat and punched a 10-year-old boy in the face.
The man was watching "Titanic" in 3-D with his girlfriend and had asked the people sitting behind to quiet down and stop throwing popcorn, but they laughed at him, he said.
"I got so mad that it just happened," Yong Hyun Kim, 31, told police who arrested him the night of April 11 at the AMC Kent Station 14, in Kent, a south Seattle suburb.
The 10-year-old lost a tooth and had a bloody nose in the confrontation.
He knocked the kid's tooth out, man! Yong Hyun Kim is serious about Titanic, yo!
Honestly though, we've all shared a movie theater with a bunch of unsupervised, pre-pubescent assholes, right? It's like a busload of sugared-up orphans was dropped outside of the theater and told to fend for themselves for two hours. They run in and out of the theater, text with reckless abandon, throw popcorn all over the place, all while staying frustratingly out of punching distance. Hell, sometimes it's not orphans at all.
When I saw the first Transformers movie by myself whatever summer that thing happened, there was this five or six-year-old kid running up and down the stairs the whole time singing and dancing and clapping his stupid hands. Where were the parents? Oh, they were seated in the back of the theater, watching the movie comfortably. So, this kid is stomping up and down the steps and he finally decides to sit on the stairs right next to me and launch into a seventeenth verse of whatever nonsense song he's screaming. And what did I do? Punch him square in the nose like a man? Pick him up by his belt loops and toss him like a singing pile of laundry into the screen? Nope. I simply turned to him and hissed, "Shut up!" Did it work? Absolutely not. Was the movie ruined? Yes, but that ultimately wasn't his fault. Transformers is just a bad movie.
Anyway, Giant Electric Penguin would like to take this moment to salute Mr. Yong Hyun Kim and his fists of fury. Stupid, bratty kids shouldn't be allowed to ruin anybody's moviegoing experience, even if said movie is Titanic 3-D. Sure, Kim probably saw Titanic during its original run, but he'd never seen it all up in his grill before. Plus, don't 3-D tickets cost a lot more than regular tickets? I understand your anger, Mr. Kim, and I approve of your wrathful response. That kid was, is and always will be an asshole and I hope he remembers that each time he sees that gap-toothed grin of his in the mirror.