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Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Most Ridiculous Moments in Saved by the Bell History: Part 2

9. The "pin ceremony": This ridiculous gem occurs during the gang's summer employment gig at the "posh" Malibu Sands Beach Club.  In an episode titled "My Boyfriend's Back," Stacey Carosi's college-aged "boyfriend" pops up unannounced to give Stacey his "frat pin" during an elaborate ceremony that involves a gong for some reason.  During said ceremony, Kelly is on gong duty, while Zack is expected to hold onto the ring until Blaine or Blair or whatever Stacey's dumb boyfriend's name is, asks for it.  First of all, no ceremony of this kind has ever happened anywhere ever in the history of mankind.  Second of all, putting Zack in charge of the ring?  That's a little dark, even for Leon Carosi standards.  I mean, that's not just a kick in the balls, that's a kick in one's soul's balls.

What is truly insane about this scene, thus making it one of, if not the most, ridiculous moment in SBTB history, is what Dirk--let's just call him Dirk--proclaims after affixing his frat pin to Stacey's shirt:  "Now you're my girl FOREVER!"  Forever, Dirk?  Is that what you think?  You presented a girl with your frat pin, whatever the hell that is, and now she is "you're girl?"   She's dating someone else, Dirk.  It's literally the guy who handed you your stupid frat pin.  RIDICULOUS!

10. Zack & Stacey: While we're on the subject of the summer romance between Zack Morris and Stacey Carosi, perhaps the greatest love story in modern history: Zack sure gets over Stacey in a hot second, doesn't he?  There he is, sitting in the sand, forlornly staring off into the horizon, when his friends surround him with their undying love and devotion and physical bodies AND in the very next episode, Zack's up to his old single, horndog ways.  That's the way Zack.  Love 'em and leave 'em.

11.  Screech's Secret Sauce:  This is so offensive:

12. The almost constant bullying of the weak and nerdy:  Sometimes (i.e. a whole helluva lot of times), Saved by the Bell resembles a celebration of bullying.  Sure, the "nerd" characters are cartoonishly outlandish, with their neon-colored pocket protectors, rainbow suspenders, high-waisted slacks and glasses straps, and gratingly irritating, but the glee with which our heroes denigrate and torture these characters is disturbing.  The gang gets a pass when it comes to Screech, after all, he's a friend, thus ball-busting is to be expected, but what about the other nerds/geeks/spazzes?  What did they ever do to deserve Zack and the gang's constant ridicule?  SBTB is lucky to have existed during a time when bullying was no big deal and popular kids were free to roam the school hallways relentlessly harassing dorks, dinks, fatties, weirdos, nerdballs, geeksticks, dipwids, tardos, durps, weakos and poor kids.  As someone who was rabidly popular in his youth, I miss those days.

13. The lip-synching glee club: Bayside's tragically untalented glee club--of which all our main characters are members, of course--lip-synchs to a cassette recording of a live performance by a college glee club, AND MR. BELDING BELIEVES IT IS ACTUALLY THEM!  

14. The Girls of Bayside swimsuit calendar:  Kelly, Lisa and Jessie--all members of the girl's swim team, because obviously--have no right to be angry at Zack and Screech.  They're obviously posing for these pictures.  You mean to tell me, Kelly, that when you are engaged in a casual post-practice locker room chat with your teammates, you stand with your hands on your hips and your head cocked flirtatiously to one side?  Bullshit!

Hey, hey, hey...what is going on here?  There are way more than 14 ridiculous moments in the history of Saved by the Bell.  What are you trying to pull, Giant Electric Penguin?  Don't worry.  We know.  There are literally tons more ridiculous moments to come this month.  Stay tuned.

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