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Sunday, July 1, 2012

Who Asked for This???

The last dozen times I've signed onto my Facebook page, I've been confronted with this:
Now, I don't know how you feel about pugs, but I'm fairly indifferent.  I've never been around any pugs, but they seem like an OK lot.  They've got that "ugly-cute" thing going on that is kind of endearing.  Ultimately, I don't have any strong feelings either way, so I admittedly have no idea whether a diehard pug fanatic would wear this shirt or not.  This could be the tee pug lovers have been waiting for, as far as I know.  For me, however, this shirt is all sorts of creepy.

For one, it kind of looks like a pug's face has been literally ripped from a pug's body and grafted onto a pug-colored t-shirt.  It's got this whole Necronomicon vibe going on that grosses me out.  I admire the attention to detail, but this t-shirt is the stuff of nightmares.  In fact, I had nightmare about this shirt last night.  In the dream, I was out at a fancy steakhouse with one-time presidential hopeful Herman Cain.  I can't remember what we were talking about, but Cain was dressed in a tuxedo t-shirt and a stovepipe hat.  Our waitress delivered our meals -- two juicy, plate-sized medium-rare New York Strips -- and Herman offered to give the blessing.  At the completion of the prayer, I moved to "dig in," but noticed my plate was bare.  Flabbergasted, I started to complain.  Cain, mouth full of his own delicious meat, calmly pointed at my shirt.  I looked down and saw that MY LIFELIKE PUG T-SHIRT HAD EATEN MY STEAK and was starting in on my baked potato.  When I tried to stop him, my pug shirt began barking at me viciously, snarling and nipping at my fingers with his razor sharp teeth.  I punched my pug shirt square in the muzzle, but it kept on barking and biting.  I woke up screaming and naked in a puddle of my own urine.   So, yeah, the shirt freaks me out a little, I guess.

Big Face T-shirts -- Oh yeah, that's the place to find this nightmare-inducing tee -- offers a wide variety of grafted animal face style t-shirts including gorilla, bunny, and pig, for my money the most horrifying animal face t-shirt money can buy.  And there are so many more, but I'll let you experience them for yourself.

As terrifying and gross as Big Face T-shirts animal face collection is, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want this shirt, like, right now:
I'd wear this thing every single day, son!





4 comments:

Gabe Sealey-Morris said...

I'm glad you said it first so I didn't have to sound like a crazy person. That pug shirt gave me the creeps, until I saw the pig. Its eyes look moist and mobile.

Matt said...

That pig shirt was forged in Hell to bring pain and suffering to mankind.

HiLLjO said...

Haha! My husband has that pug shirt and it is kind of creepy; he likes that.

Plus we own a pug and it keeps her in line...

Matt said...

Does the shirt really keep your dog in line? Does she view it as, like, some bigger, tougher dog that could rough her up if she does something bad, or is it more like, "See this dog face t-shirt? If you step out of line your face could be on a t-shirt just as easily, lil miss."