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Monday, August 13, 2012

Liam Gallagher's Giant Boner


The 2012 Summer Olympics are officially over, and I, for one, am going to miss the hell out of 'em.  But what a send off they got last night, yeah?  Look, I don't know what you thought of Sunday's closing ceremonies.  I enjoyed them.  I'd give them a solid "C+" if asked to assign them a report card-style grade.  I liked some of it and I thought some of it was fairly awful.  But I got into it.  I'm not like some of you hatey-pants haters out there who hate stuff just because it's loud and dumb and not particularly hip.  I liked seeing the Spice Girls reunite and eff you for laughing at me.

Like I said, I don't know what you thought about the closing ceremonies, but here is a short list of my actual thoughts during the two hours I spent watching it:

--"So that's what the Kaiser Chiefs look like."
--"This isn't really the extent of the David Bowie tribute, is it?  Oh.  It is."
--"Oh, look, it's renowned singer Russell Brand singing 'I Am The Walrus'."
--"The Spice Girls still look great.  Careful, Ginger Spice, don't fall off the roof of that speeding taxi."
--"Just stop it, Fatboy Slim.  You pushed play."
--"George Michaels looks so lonely out there.  Poor guy."
--"I didn't know that the guy who sings 'Dynamite' was British.  I didn't really care either, but there you go.  I'd rather listen to this kid's 'Dynamite' parody anyway."
--"I wonder who's going to fill in for Freddie Mercu...oh, Jessie J."
--"Yep, when I think Olympics, I think Kate Moss."
--"When's the Bush tribute start?"

The most amazing moment though was when classic British rock band Beady Eye took the stage.  You know Beady Eye, right?  All the guys from Oasis except Noel Gallagher?  Anyway, Beady Eye is there and they do "Wonderwall." Liam Gallagher's voice was as nasally and irritating as ever, maybe more so, but the crowd, and I mean the entire crowd, sang along with every single word.  Olympic athletes from all over the planet stopped flashing their medals at passing cameramen or snapping pictures of their friends and teammates posing in front of the giant octopus, and just sang along with "Wonderwall."  And watching this I thought, Liam Gallagher must have the biggest boner right now.  I would.  The world knows your song, dude!  The whole world!  What must that feel like?  It was a cool moment.  Good for you, Beady Eye.

So, the Olympics are gone, but football season is right around the corner.  Then the Winter Olympics in 2014.  And after that, the first annual Hunger Games.  I can't wait!


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