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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

What the WTF?!?: Must Train Ruin Everything?!?

Sorry for the delay, dudes, but I've been at the beach.  We had a nice time.  Quinn played Skee Ball for the first time; the wife and I celebrated five years of wedded bliss by stuffing ourselves full of animal meat; and I set more than a few kids straight when it came to proper usage of the resort's Lazy River.  But now I'm back, and kinda sick, and it's time to get back to business of ripping pop culture a new one.

As I may have mentioned above, most of the Lawson family returned from the beach a little under the weather, so all three of us stayed home on Monday and tried to relax.  It was going fairly well until 3:00 PM.  The kid and I decided to sit down on the couch and watch a little Sesame Street, as we are wont to do.  Things were going pretty well.  There was a bit about Cookie Monster joining the Cookie Connoisseur's Club, headed by a gaunter-than-usual David Hyde Pearce, followed by a cartoon about Jewish trolls dancing or something.  Then, Murray introduced the Number of the Day and this happened:

Dammit, Train!  Put your dumb music in commercials and movie trailers and singing greeting cards, but leave Sesame Street alone.  Sesame Street was the one show I could let my daughter watch without any worry that she'd see something horrific and traumatizing.  Now I'm not so sure.

And didn't the guy who voiced Count Von Count die recently?  What a fitting a tribute to him, right?  "We'll miss you, Jerry Nelson, but at least we'll have this performance of "Five By" with Train to remember you by."  Look, I can see Elmo getting involved in this shit, he's a bit of a sell-out, but the Count?  No way!  The Count doesn't listen to pop radio.  He's probably more of a classic rock guy.  Or, like, maybe he'd surprise you and have nothing but old country-and-western albums in his collection.  Elmo is the kind of guy who likes whatever is on the radio.  

Also, isn't "Drive By" a song about a one night stand?  When I explained this to my wife - yes, friends, she is subjected to these types of rants on an almost a daily basis and she's remained married to me for five whole years! - she pointed out that the lead singer for Train (still not going to look his name up) is informing the stranger he's just banged that he intends to have a fulfilling relationship with her and not simply a one night stand.  "Still," I argued, "he's telling her that after one night together.  That's creepy!"  The point is, "Drive By" is a song about sex and is, therefore, inappropriate fodder for Sesame Street parody.  Or maybe it's fine and I just hate Train's music so much that I can't see beyond my own red-hot rage.  It's probably that.


Anonymous said...

Howie Mandel is in Train! It all makes sense now.

Matt said...

A collision of pure suckiness.