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Friday, November 16, 2012

Christmas Wishlist 2012: Fashion

It's never too early to tell people what you want them to buy for you for Christmas.  It can, however, be too late.  We are rapidly approaching "too late," people, and for that I would like to apologize.  I should've started posting my wishlist in mid-February like all the other bloggers.  Yeah, it's a thing.  You see, a blog writer knows that his/her loyal readers want nothing more than to shower the creator of the content they crave with fabulous gifts at the close of each calendar year, and the best way to assure that this process goes smoothly is for said blog writer to post a series of holiday wishlists, which is, quite simply, a list of wishes (presents) someone (me) wants granted (gimme presents!) by someone else (you, gimme presents!).  I celebrate the "religious" holiday of "Christmas" during the month of December, thus, I have a compiled a Christmas Wishlist.  Make sense?

Today the focus is on fashion.  I'm a fashionably guy, I think.  I wear a belt.  Once every other week I put on a tie.  I don't have a lot of money to spend on designer blue jeans or hemp cardigans or what-have-you, but I try to dress myself in wrinkle-free clothing and wear matching socks on a daily basis.  In essence, I like to stay fresh to death.


1. Denim Sandal Boots (or, simply, Jean Flops)

How many times have you been walking around at, like, I don't know, a grocery store or a state fair or a festive corn maze, and thought, "I've got way too much to carry around with me than my four pants pockets can handle.  I've got a wallet, my car keys, an iPhone, my MP3-playing device, a pack of cards, my Jersey Mike's Sub Club card, a Who's The Boss pog slammer, my birth certificate--WHERE AM I GONNA KEEP ALL MY STUFF?!? I SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH POCKETS!!!"

Dani K Shoes have solved your problem AND created a one-of-a-kind style of footwear that totally doesn't look stupid, I promise.  When you purchase a pair of Denim Sandal Boots from Dani K Shoes, you not only get a finely crafted pair of weird flip-flop things, you also get four extra pockets.  And belt loops!  Look at that!  You could literally leave the house wearing three (THREE!!!) belts.  A belt lover's dream shoe!


2. Spirit Fingerz

Sure, you could always show your team loyalty with the traditional, all-natural spirit fingers (i.e. the fingers on your hand, wiggle-waggled moronically), but last time I looked, most human beings don't have tiny pom-poms at the end of their fingers.  I say most because there was this guy in college, Jean Luc, who had a weird finger mutation that made the tips of his fingers resemble fleshy pom-poms.  We called him French Tickler, but that's not important right now.  What is important is that Spirit Fingerz are awesome and I want a pair right now!  Get them in "collegiate," "NFL" or "colorz," which just means they come in different colors.


3. Unisex Beanie LED Knit Caps Warm Hat with Light

For those late night wood chopping situations that seem to pop up on nearly a daily basis during the holiday season.

4. Election T-Shirts

Finally, the election is over, but its shirts will live on forever.  Or at least for the next few months.  There are warehouses all over America full of these things, I bet.  Why not help out the losing team -- or the winning one! -- and buy a couple hundred of the leftovers for your friends and family this Christmas?  Here are a few of my personal "favorites."


...and I'm a bad speller.


Of course I do, I wake up in it every morning.  What are you getting at, shirt?


Really?  


Was there, like, a whole thing where people were comparing Mitt Romney to the Dick Tracy villain Little Face or something?  I'll admit, I tuned out about halfway through election season, so maybe this was a thing.  Mitt Romney doesn't have a tiny face or anything.  I'm looking at a picture of him right now and his face looks perfectly fine.  His features seem to be those of a man with a normal-sized face. I don't get it.  [UPDATE: Performing a quick internets search, I discovered the Little Face Mitt blog.  I still don't get it.]


And my personal favorite:


Oh, brudder.


2 comments:

Gabe Sealey-Morris said...

Jean Luc taught me to much about life, love, and cheese.

Olivia Heartelly said...

I just love this little face thingy!!! This will surely get in to my shopping cart before Thanks Giving… Anyways, where can you get one of these?!
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