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Saturday, December 1, 2012

25 Days of Horrible Holiday Decorations: Day 1 - Animated Inflatable Gingerbread Oven

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas (i.e. my neighborhood has become lousy with inflatable monstrosities and gaudy light displays), therefore it is time for Giant Electric Penguin to share with you, the loyal readership, some of the stupidest holiday décor to ever be shat out of the head of some faceless corporate stooge onto the shelves of discount stores all over this great land. And we’re not content to devote a mere day to this vitally important pursuit, heck no! For now until Christmas Day, GEP will explore the holly jolly world of gun-toting Santa Clauses, festive yuletide pirate ships, and angel crotch manger scenes. And what better way to start our exploration of the unbelievably tacky and strange then with fiery death.

“We’re just popping out to say Merry Christmas. And, in case you are wondering, WE ARE BURNING ALIVE! OH, THE FIERY AGONY! PLEASE GRANT US THE GIFT OF DEATH THIS CHRISTMAS, FOR THIS BURNING IS BEYOND COMPREHENSION! I mean, Merry Christmas and all but OH GOD, MAKE IT STOP!!!”

Is there anything more festive then two gingerbread cookie children popping out of an oven to say hi? I think so. This inflatable horror story from the madmen at Gemmy has got me second guessing my consumption of people-shaped cookies this Christmas. Hey, maybe I’ll lose some weight. Probably not, as there will most likely be plenty of non-people-shaped cookies available for me to shove into my facehole. Oh, well. It was a nice thought while it lasted those few seconds.

1 comment:

Gabe Sealey-Morris said...

You had me at "angel crotch manger scenes."