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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

25 Days of Horrible Holiday Decorations: Day 12 - Christmas Hip Hop Bear


There's nothing I can write here that would be anywhere near as funny as the Web site description of this ridiculous product:

Hip Hop Bear will rap up Christmas

(Oh, what a wonderful pun!  I've got some better ones: "Hip Hop Bear will hip hop his way into your heart" or "Hip Hop Bear drops a drive-by on Christmas' sorry ass" or "Happy Birthday, Jesus.  Here's that rapping teddy bear you asked for."  I'm aware most of those were not puns.)

Christmas Hip Hop Bear is doing some Christmas rapping. Press his paw and watch him sing, dance and groove to Jingle Bells.

(Yes, Jingle Bells, the ultimate groove song.  Can you think of a better Christmas carol to groove to?  Wait, a minute.  What the hell does groove even mean?

Groove: Slang. an enjoyable time or experience.

OK, so I guess any song ever written, Christmas carol or otherwise, is better for "grooving to" than Jingle Bells.

Also, what other kind of rapping is Christmas Hip Hop Bear gonna do?  Halloween rapping?  Boxing Day rapping?  Sheesh.)

A cheeky Christmas gift for someone into rap music, hip hop or American contemporary fashion, Christmas Hip Hop Bear will certainly provide some Christmas cheer.

American contemporary fashion???

Christmas Hip Hop Bear has a light creamy snout and brown fur on his body, and wears his hip hop gear, baseball cap and trademark gold bling. 

Well, at least they've got the gear right.  Thank God for small miracles, right?

Press Christmas Hip Hop Bear's paw to play the music.

For ages 3 and up.

4 AA batteries included.

Surface washable.

Glad the surface is washable, since this thing is so cool I'll probably be jizzing all over it.

And, hooray, there's video proof that Christmas Hip Hop Rapping Bear is the stupidest thing ever invented:



And, wow, there's also a Hip Hop Christmas Doberman for no reason:



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