Monday, December 3, 2012
We've got ornaments that do everything else (play music, light up, remind us how beautiful and moving the Twilight Saga is, etc.), why not ornaments that fart? Oh, yeah, because farting ornaments are the height of crass stupidity. Want to show your friends and family how not-hilarious you are this Christmas: slap a couple of these butt ornaments - because that's what they are: butt ornaments - on your tree and tell 'em to press the "press here" sticker, if you can through all the giggling you'll be doing. I don't like you.
And can I ask a question: what is the obsession with Santa's bathroom habits? Every time I do this feature, I come across an overabundance of farting- and/or pooping-themed decorations prominently featuring Santa Claus. One of my neighbors has an unholy amount of Santa inflatables planted in his yard, most of them involving Santa operating some kind of vehicle (sports car, helicopter, tow truck), but right there in front, seemingly in a place of honor, is an inflatable outhouse with Santa inside, probably taking dump. Is this supposed to be funny? I don't get the joke. Are we able to identify with Santa on a personal level when we recognize that he too defecates and then craft products depicting this action for our lawns and mantles? Or are we laughing at Santa? "Hey, Santa, I hung an ornament of your butt on my Christmas tree and I can make it fart whenever I want. You hear that, you fat asshole? That's your butt farting! Merry Christmas, jerk!"
Two more things: 1) Why did the Tootin' Tushies Santa pull his pants down to fart? And 2) where are these ornaments' buttholes?