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Saturday, December 8, 2012

25 Days of Horrible Holiday Decorations: Day 8 - Prince Dastan Ornament


Look, if you enjoy a particular film or television property, by all means, decorate your tree with its ornaments.  If Family Guy is your favorite TV show, hang a naked Peter Griffin holding a present over his dick and balls on your tree.  Hang it from the highest limb, directly under your angel tree topper, you know, the angel tree topper that represents the angels who announced the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  And, please, if you love the Twilight Saga, adorn your Tannenbaum with Twilight-themed ornaments.  God knows there's enough of them in existence to choke a whole team of sleigh-pulling reindeer.  And while we're at it, if you can't get enough of Harry Potter and all of his magical friends, proudly display that Dobby ornament on your holiday shrubbery of choice.  Chances are it's extreme ugliness will keep your cat from messing with the tree or bush in question, so there's a positive.  We've got all kinds of crazy ornaments on our tree - South Park characters, Hello Kitty, various citizens of Sesame Street, the entire Simpsons clan.  These are entertainments that we enjoy, therefore, they are on our tree.

But, honestly, who gives a shit about Disney's Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time?  Nobody, right?  What oddball exited his local multiplex in the summer of 2010 and said to himself, "That Prince of Persia movie was pretty bad-ass.  I can't wait until the Christmas ornament comes out."?  No one did, at least, that's what I have to tell myself so I can sleep at night.

I would hang up a Christmas ornament from almost any other Jake Gyllenhaal movie.  

Brokeback Mountain?  Of course.  It's one of my favorite movies.  Plus, they could make it a talking one that says "Why can't I quit you?" when you push a button on its cowboy hat.

Jarhead?  Sure.  Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like Jake Gyllenhaal with a buzzcut.

The Good Girl?  Oh, hell yes.  Plus, they could make it a talking one that says "you're a hooker, you hooker" when you push a button on its discount store vest.

I probably wouldn't want a Bubble Boy-themed ornament, because then people would think I'd seen Bubble Boy.  And I'd rather have a Frank ornament than a Donnie Darko one.



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