I didn't watch the Grammys on Sunday night--though I am "fully aware of"* Katy Perry's dress--because I actually like music. I think I've proven that fact by naming and commenting upon over 100 songs that I have "more-than-friends" feelings for on this very blog. However, today's entry may cause some of you to question the validity of that statement.
I've been very upfront about my recent love affair with Top 40 radio and the endless stream of cookie cutter pop that it dispenses and that I, in turn, gobble up like drug pills. I've never taken any illicit drugs, so I can't readily compare the experience I get from hearing a particular song to that of ingesting a specific drug, but if I had to guess I'd say it's probably akin to bath salts. Yep, a good pop song makes me want to attack a defenseless homeless man and eat his face off. Wait.
Anyway, here are five songs that I am absolutely not embarrassed about liking (well, one I kinda am). I hope you won't think less of me, but if you do, please feel free to throw yourself into an active volcano.
134. "I Wanna Go" (Britney Spears)
Why I Should be a Little Embarrassed: It's Britney Spears. I mean, she's little more than a pretty, singing computer by this point. I don't have anything against her personally; she's never done anything to hurt my family (snubbed my niece at an autograph signing; pushed my grandmother's coffin into oncoming traffic; punched me in the balls and said, "Nice vagina, Baldy," etc.) and her personal life is of no concern to me. She's just kind of talentless, I guess.
Why I'm Not Embarrassed: Is it hackneyed to say "It's got a good beat and you can dance to it?" I feel like that is a shitty explanation. I could get into the weird minutia of the song if you'd like. I like the stutter-thing ("I-I-I wanna go-o-o all the way-ay-ay..."). Does that have a name? There's another song on this list that features the same thing. I am notorious (infamous?) for enjoying any sort of elecronicy bloop or bleep in a song, and I think the stutter-thing (seriously, there's got to be a better name for it) fits into that somewhere.
Also, it's got a good beat and you can dance to it.
People I Know Who Also Like This Song: My mom.
135. "About You Now" (Miranda Cosgrove)
Why I Should be a Little Embarrassed: I'm a 34-year-old man, not a 12-year-old girl.
Why I'm Not Embarrassed: Dammit, this song is catchy!
Some Thoughts on the Video: First, they really should have put a roof on that performance space or filmed the video in the Spring or Summer.
Second, the young men in Miranda Cosgrove's band are way too excited about being in Miranda Cosgrove's band.
And, third, Miranda Cosgrove's musical performance is just as dead-eyed as her acting performances have been over the years, so, at least she's consistent.
136. "Blackout" (Breathe Carolina)
Why I Should be a Little Embarrassed: This is the one. I am legitimately embarrassed that I like this song. Look at these guys? They might be the nicest dudes in the world, but they look like hipster clowns. And they named their band Breathe Carolina. What's that all about? I'm sure it's something totes cool, like a line from Garden State or something, but, ugh.
Why I'm Not Embarrassed: Out of every song on this list, "Blackout" is probably the best example of the kind of pop I seem to (regrettably?) enjoy the most. There is something about it that speaks to the lizard part of my brain. Plus, as you may have noticed, it sports that stutter-thing I mentioned earlier.
People I Know Who Also Like This Song: Literally no one.
137. "Want U Back" (Cher Lloyd)
Why I Should be a Little Embarrassed: See "About You Now."
Why I'm Not Embarrassed: It's catchy, it's a little snotty (see also: my enjoyment of Ke$ha), and Cher Lloyd is as cute as a button.
Cute as a button? I'm 34, not 64.
138. "Beauty And A Beat" (Justin Bieber)
Why I Should be a Little Embarrassed: You know why!
Why I'm Not Embarrassed: Eff you guys, this is a great song. And no one (NO ONE!) can break it down to this song like my 19-month-old daughter. She's got some moves you would not believe!
Some Thoughts on the Video: Whether or not you like Justin Bieber, pop music or water parks in general, give this video a watch. It's very innovative. Seems like it would be pretty difficult to make and Biebs pulls it off, so, you know, give it a chance.
*"fully aroused by"