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Monday, February 25, 2013

GEP @ the Oscars: Honorable Mentions & Worst Films of 2012

Some movies are great.  Some movies are pretty great, but not great enough to be featured on a list of 10 greats.  Those movies fall into a category I, and many, many others before me, like to call:


--The Avengers: The Avengers was the most fun I had at the movies last summer.  It was so wonderfully funny and colorful and comic booky.  It's pretty much the comic book movie I'd been dreaming about since I was a child, only my dream involved the Fantastic Four.  I was never really an Avengers guy.  And I still don't like Thor very much.  Hey, maybe Joss Whedon can take a crack at Fantastic Four reboot.  Heyyyyyy.

--The Amazing Spider-Man: There isn't a bigger Spider-Man fan on the planet than me, but I don't mind telling you that I was as excited about 2012's Spider-Man reboot as I am about a trip to the dentist.  Don't get me wrong, my dentist is a nice guy and his staff is friendly, but do I really need the same speech about flossing and my wisdom teeth and how I should invest in an electric toothbrush every single time I go in?  Apparently I do, because it's exactly what I get.  Plus, the music they play in the waiting room is terrible.  It's as if they found the single worst station on XM Radio, one that focuses purely on soft rock artists from the 70's, but only, like their deep cuts, not the singles, not the songs anyone actually knows and likes, and they locked it in, ripped the knob off, and fed the knob to a passing goat.  I guess, what I'm trying to say is that I wasn't super excited about The Amazing Spider-Man.

And maybe it's because of those low expectations that I enjoyed The Amazing Spider-Man so much.  That's not the ringing endorsement I intended it to be.  Sorry.  It's a fine film.  There.  That's better.

--Found Footage: Just when I thought I'd grown tired of the found footage genre, 2012 gave me two films that reeled me back in: Chronicle and V/H/S.  Now that's it, found footage.  We're done.  Unless you got something special up your sleeve for 2013...

Some movies aren't great.  Some movies even, GASP, suck balls.  They would go here:


--The Hunger Games: First off, I am a fan of the Hunger Games books.  I read them all and I genuinely enjoyed most of them (The 3rd one's a little 'meh'.)  The movie version of Book One, however, was a snooze.  The Hunger Games is a super popular series of books.  Young and old alike were clamoring for a movie version that lived up to what they'd read.  And while Jennifer Lawrence was the perfect choice for Katniss, everything else was a collosal letdown.

Hunger Games should have been epic.  It should have been a beautiful-to-look-at, polished, big budget masterpiece.  I'm talking Peter Jackson, Lord of the Rings-style.  It was going to make whatever amount of money was spent on it back tenfold.  So, why did The Hunger Games look like a mumblecore movie filmed by a toddler?  Hold the camera steady, guy!  Shaking a camera around doesn't equal "action/suspense," it just kind of makes people feel ill.  Ugh.

--Taken 2: This was the worst movie I saw last year.  It was fun being out with my dad and all (For the record, my dad and I saw plenty of quality movies together in 2012.), but I couldn't really get into the movie.  Maybe it was because I haven't seen the first film of the series, which I believe is called Taken, maybe?  I didn't know who any of these characters were and I'm supposed to care about Liam Neeson giving his daughter a driving lesson?  Forget that! 

I think it was more that Taken 2 is dumb and boring and totally insane, but not insane in that fun way that some awful movies are sometimes.  I mean, I guess there's a car chase that's kind of fun, and I've already shared my horrified affinity for Maggie Grace's grenade attack on the innocent citizens of Instanbul, but for the most part, Taken 2 is a lame attempt at the whole action/revenge genre.  Please, Hollywood, let Liam Neeson take a breather.  He's an old, old man.  I've never seen slower fight scenes.  Double ugh.

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