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Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Birthday to Us!!!


It's our 5th birthday today!  Wow!  We made it!  To celebrate, I'm re-posting one of our most read, most beloved posts of all time: 8/17/2010's "Faces of the Juggalo Nation."  Enjoy!

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I've been reading a lot about this whole Tila Tequila versus the Juggalos thing for the past two days and something just don't sit right with me. I've seen the Twitter transcripts (tweetscripts?). I've watched the video, complete with Tom Green dance, on TMZ. I've read the words of my companions in snark. Frankly, I'm more than a little turned off.


Like most of you, I don't know what it means to be a Juggalo. I have a vague impression. I know Juggalos enjoy the music of the Insane Clown Posse and other clown-painted, horrorcore artistes. I've heard that they gather somewhere in the Midwest once a year for four days of music and clowny mayhem. I've also heard that they have a fondness for Faygo, a beverage I too very much enjoy. In fact, many of my favorite memories of growing up in Michigan involve the consumption of large quantities of Faygo. Of course, I liked to drink it. Juggalos, apparently, enjoying hurling bottles of it at musical acts they don't enjoy or spraying it on the breasts of their ICP-loving wives and girlfriends, known as Juggalettes. But why take my word for it, when a young person, known simply as The.Juggalo.Jester, defines the terms so eloquently on the Urban Dictionary:

Well. The juggalo and the juggalettes are hard to describe in general, even as a juggalo it's hard for me. So i'm going to try. A juggalo is a male fan of the Insane Clown Posse A juggalette is the female fan of the Insane Clown Posse ICP for short. Juggalo's and juggalettes are fans of ICP that have been saved by The dark Carnival and have realised that being different isn't a bad thing, for it makes us just that. 'Different' from everyone, we are all crazy in our own ways and we are all hated for some reason or another. Us Lo's And Lette's Are loyal fans to ICP and any of the bands under the psychopathic record's logo. We love them as family as well as other Lo's and Lette's as family and we would die for eachother. Poeple always dis on the fam but we are strong and most true juggalo's and lette's ignore the threats and the insults. Most of the fans connect with ICP, Twiztid, Boondox, ABK, AMB, Blaze cause they grew up unwanted as many juggalo's and juggalette's did. Me included. We are outcasts. But the truth is we don't care, we don't give a fuck. We paint our faces and we talk the way we talk to be different. Though many people say yea, yea, they want to be non-conformists, most of us are. We are all crazy and mentally unstable. Me for example. I've been to about 8 different therapists. My parents trying to scrounge up money for it all. Luckily we have rich grandparents. Me myself, i've grown up with no moeny for myself and the thing is i don't have friends...


There's more, but it gets kinda creepy and self-indulgent. The point is, Juggalos believe in something, they stand for something. Sure, it's something called "The Dark Carnival," but who amongst us doesn't have our very own "dark carnival?" Maybe your "dark carnival" is Jesus. Or Buddha. Or shoe shopping. Or carnivals.

Listen, it's easy to look down on the Juggalos. Many of them are obese, physically incapable of love, learning disabled, high on face paint fumes, sociopathic, dangerously violent and/or the products of a trailer park upbringing. But before you blow them off as simple-minded, Tila Tequila-battering psychopaths, take a moment to look into the faces of the Juggalo Nation.
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See, women do let Juggalos sleep with them. Sometimes without a condom. These proud Juggalo parents will someday raise their own Juggalo, instilling in it the core values of all Lo's and Lette's: You must always notice and recognize miracles and Faygo-brand pop is meant to be sprayed on women's boobies.
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Look at this normal, well-adjusted young couple? Don't just look at their offputting black and white make-up and write them off as typical suburban dregs of society. There is so much promise in these grimaces, so much hope for a better, brighter tomorrow. Riddle me this: who would you rather your daughter show up with for Sunday brunch: this young gent or Hitler? Something to think about.
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Juggalos celebrate Christmas, for Pete's sake! Would God-fearing, yuletide revelers such as these wish anything but tidings of comfort and joy upon the Tila Tequilas and Method Men of this world? Christmas is a holiday celebrated by only the strictest of Christians, so I can only assume the three young people pictured above are active members in their church youth group. I've never heard of youth groupers filling balloons with their own urine and hurling said pee-filled balloons at Canadian comedy legend Tom Green, have you?


And who could believe that these sweet, innocent Juggalettes would even hurt a fly, let alone participate in a bottle-tossing riot at an outdoor clown-rap festival:
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I think I've seen that girl on the right reading to blind kids in the children's hospital downtown. I know that shirt looks familiar.


Leave the Juggalos alone, America! Seriously. What happened to hating Mel Gibson? Or making fun of Jon Gosselin? Let's get back to that for awhile.


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