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Friday, March 8, 2013

Last 3 Movies: The Maze/The Thirteenth Floor/Homer & Eddie

Welcome to Last 3 Movies, GEP's new feature in which I reflect on the last three movies I watched.  That's basically it.  Enjoy.

Film: The Maze (1953)

Why did I watch this?: I'm working on a project right now that I am not yet at the liberty to talk about publicly, but this movie might have something to do with it (And, no, I'm not building a hedge maze in my backyard, even though that would be so super cool.).

The viewing experience: Not nearly as exciting as the poster might lead one to believe.  No one gets trapped in any maze.  Don't get me wrong, there is a maze, but no one gets trapped in it, especially not in a manner I would describe as "deadly."

Spoiler Alert: You know what, I'm going to respect the wishes of the poster and refrain from revealing the "amazing climax" to you.  I will say, however, that a certain word on said poster gives a smallish hint as to what The Maze's "amazing (see also: "weird and dumb") climax" involves.  Think you've figured it out?  Write your answer on a slip of paper, place that slip of paper in an envelope, bury that envelope in your front yard, remembering to clearly mark the spot in which you buried it, dig the envelope up five years later, and set it on fire.  Did you do it?  Good.

Recommended?: It's a weird, kinda-horror movie from the 50's.  Of course I recommend it.  Don't you people know me well enough by now?

Film: The Thirteenth Floor (1999)

Why did I watch this: Paul Chapman mentioned it on the Dark City episode of The Greatest Movie Ever! Podcast and I realized I'd never seen it.

Quick Plot Synopsis: Video game people design their own video game people and get sad about it.

Favorite IMDB Plot Keywords: Supermarket; Reference to Descartes; Writing a Letter

Some other great "writing a letter" movies listed on IMDB: Gone With the Wind; Swing Vote; The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Recommended: You could do a lot worse, and I did!  Keep reading.

More: Whatever happened to Craig Bierko?  He's great in this movie.  I could go for some more Bierko in my life.

Two days after watching The Thirteenth Floor, me and the wife watched an episode of Special Victims Unit guest-starring none other than Mr. Craig Bierko.  He played an FBI agent and one-time paramour of Olivia Benson.  It was an OK episode.  Not enough Stabler.

Film: Homer & Eddie (1989)

Why did I watch this?!?: Just read this Netflix synopsis and tell me you wouldn't immediately drop everything you're doing to watch this thing:

Mentally disabled Homer crosses paths with Eddie, a psychotic woman who recently escaped from an institution. Together, the unlikely pair sets off on a quest to reunite Homer with his dying father -- although Eddie's got a bit of an ulterior motive.

You're not even reading this post anymore, are you?  You're already firing up Netflix or becoming a Netflix member, aren't you?  I wouldn't blame you.  James Belushi as a mentally challenged gentleman travling to see his father?  That's cinematic gold, man!  Add the fuck-centric comedy stylings of Ms. Whoopi Goldberg and you've got a fun time at the movies.

The viewing experience: Homer & Eddie took me two days to watch and not because I wanted to savor the experience.  No, Homer & Eddie took me two days to watch because I kept falling asleep.  It wasn't because the movie was boring.  A movie starring James Belushi as a sweetly disabled man by its very nature could never be classified as boring.  I think the reason I repeatedly fell asleep during Homer & Eddie was, basically, self preservation.  My brain, recognizing that it was being forced to absorb something harmful to its continued well-being, simply shut down.

It took a combination of black coffee and prayers to make it to the end of Homer & Eddie, but it was worth it.

I'm sorry.  I meant the opposite of that.

Favorite IMDB Plot Keyword: Prostitution

Recommended?: Only for Belushi completists and people who enjoy watching terrible things.

Spoiler Alert: Eddie is shot and killed in the closing minutes.

More: The following what I guess is a TV spot, presents Homer & Eddie as a good time buddies, road trip comedy, but the movie is actually terribly depressing and almost unceasingly dark.  Homer is robbed by gun-toting hoodlums (one of which is played by director John Waters) before the opening credits have ended; Eddie murders several convenience store employees in cold blood; and the less said about Homer's confrontation with his mother at his father's funeral--oh, yeah, Homer rolls into town just in time for his father's wake--the better.

Oh, and listen for the gloriously offensive description of Homer's disability in this commercial.

Oh, that edited part about Homer's name?  Yeah, Whoopi Goldberg calls Homer a "fag."  Hooray for movies!

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