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Saturday, March 16, 2013

What the WTF?!?: The Call Trailer

Wanna go to the movies this weekend, but don't have enough money for tickets, popcorn, and a babysitter without priors?  Not a problem.  Get out your favorite computing device, log on to YouTube and watch the trailer for the latest film from WWE Films, The Call, starring one-time Academy Award winner and full-time bad movie maker, Halle Berry.  You can even make popcorn if you want.  It's your night in at the movies.  Go nuts.

Honestly, Trailer for The Call, what's wrong with you?  You've basically just given us the entire film in two-and-a-half minutes.  Actually, that's probably preferable to having to sit through this piece of shit.  Maybe, Trailer for The Call, you are to be commended rather than scorned.

My favorite part: the trailer contains a flashback to an earlier scene in the trailer, you know, just so the audience can keep up.

"This is kind of a wild twist," some studio head probably said.  "I mean, Halle Berry interacting with the same killer twice, thus giving her a chance at redemption.  It's literally never been done before.  But are people watching the trailer really going to get that it's the same killer if we don't include a flashback to something shown a few seconds earlier in the trailer?  I mean, what if somebody got up to go to the bathroom, but returned in time to see the latter half of the trailer and couldn't catch up?  You don't expect people to hold in their pee, do you?  Are we really going to be the studio that demands people hold in their pee until our trailers are over?  I don't want that on my head, do you?"

"I think it'll be fine," said whoever was cutting the trailer.  "Most people aren't totally stupid."

"I'd feel better if you'd put the flashback in there.  It would help me sleep at night.  Just thinking of all those bladder infections.  And what if--oh my good God, I didn't even consider this earlier--what if someone is, like, super hungry and they decide to get popcorn halfway through the trailer and then, like the pee guy from my previous example, he or she returns with the popcorn and is totally and utterly confused about who Halle Berry is talking to on the phone?  Are we going to let hungry people starve?  I'm not willing to even consider that for a millisecond.  Put in the flashback.  I'm going to lunch."

Chances are, if The Call is the kind of movie you enjoy on a regular basis, you don't read this blog, so I'm going to wrap things up.

Have a great weekend, dudes!

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