I hadn't seen any reviews for Hemlock Grove anywhere, so this week I conducted what the kids call a "Google search," which is, quite literally, a search for something (anything you can imagine, really) on the internet search engine known, in most circles, as Google. Specifically, I sought out whether or not my beloved AV Club had put in their proverbial two cents. Turns out they had. Turns out they'd given Hemlock Grove, the series, as I read enough of the review to see that the reviewer in question had viewed the the series to completion, a big, fat "F."
I'd already embarked upon a seven episode binge of Hemlock Grove and, in my head, adjusted my own initial grade of "D+" to, well, something else. I already kind of had this post mapped out in my head as well. So, in the spirit of fairness, to both Hemlock Grove and myself, I chose to hold off on reading the AV Club's review, not wanting to taint my own experience. I will say I was pretty disappointed to see the "F," as I put a lot of trust in the opinions and come at the world of entertainment and pop culture from a similar viewpoint as the AV Club's, but I can't say I didn't get it. I mean, I watched the first two episodes and kind of hated Hemlock Grove. I've seen nine episodes now, and I actually like it a lot. Sorry?
I'm still annoyed by the bad acting and the constantly-shifting accents, but the story has its hooks in me deep, and I'm, for now, down for whatever Hemlock Grove wants to throw at me, even if that whatever is a pregnant werewolf in a derelict jail cell.
Since we last convened on the topic of Hemlock Grove, the follow events have occurred (on the show...just to be clear...):
--There is a new dead girl, this one missing the bottom half of her body. Apparently this girl was a lot more popular than the first girl because literally no one (the police, the student body at Hemlock High, etc) seems to care about the first dead girl anymore. Poor first dead girl.
--Christina (the least interesting/necessary character) went nuts after kissing said dead girl on the lips, so nuts, in fact, that after her first kiss with the boy she likes, she freaked out and tore his face apart.
--Roman cut himself a lot with a razorblade, possibly raped a girl and then erased any memory of the assault from her mind with his weird, Jedi mind powers, and fell into a coma of self-discovery. Also, the actor who portrays Roman, the impossibly handsome Bill Skarsgard, has started to forget he's playing a Pennsylvanian. Keep a grip on that accent, son.
--Peter got likable. I'm as surprised as you.
--Dr. Clementine Chausser, a Department of Fish and Wildlife agent/werewolf-slaying member of the Order of the Dragon, was introduced. I like her.
--Dr. Johann Pryce, a compellingly weird scientist who runs the Godfrey Institute and displays thrilling acts of what he calls "hysterical strength," has become a villainous character I greatly enjoy.
--All of Peter's cousin's shirts shrank in the wash. Oh no!
None of that will mean anything to you if you haven't watched Hemlock Grove, but it should at least give you some idea of how incredibly weird this show is. I don't know where it's going--I assume somewhere immensely disappointing judging from the AV Club's "F"--but I'm pretty psyched to find out.
I did have a theory as to who the murderer is (the lesbian teacher who has appeared exactly once, in the first episode), but I've come to realize this theory was both dumb and impossible. I have a new idea, but I'm not going to share it just yet. If I'm right, I'll let you know. If I'm right, Hemlock Grove may be looking at another F, but right now, I'm giving Hemlock Grove a B-. Now don't let me down.
1. What is the Ouroboros Project and what's inside that box? Why is it glowing? Is whatever is glowing in the box the same thing that makes Shelly glow?
2. What is Olivia anyway?
3. Did Roman impregnate his own cousin and then use his mind powers to convince her it was an angel that knocked her up? I think I'm right on this one. He is waaay too into his cousin.
4. Also, why was Roman all Freddy Krueger-faced when he was born?