Tuesday, April 9, 2013
It's Tuesday night! Where my Splash-heads at?!?
I am shocked every single Wednesday morning when I log onto Yahoo for the latest news updates and see a story about Splash. For instance, last Wednesday the phrase "Kendra Wilkinson quits" was one of the top five entries on Yahoo's "TRENDING NOW" list. That was trending?!? Where? Somewhere other than the Wilkinson's house or this blog??? I guess I can't figure out who watches this abomination and why. It is a terrible, terrible program, but not in a good way, like, McDonald's is terrible, terrible food. Neither Splash nor a quarter pounder with cheese from McDonald's, offer any sort of healthy sustenance for one's mind or body, but at least the quarter pounder is fun to eat, especially with a side of fries and a large Hi-C Orange. And probably some McNuggets. If a small carton of chicken nuggets popped out of your TV set every time Splash went to a commercial break, then, maybe, I might be able to see the value in such a program. Maybe. Depends on what kind of dipping sauces I get to choose from.
Anyway, tonight was Somersault Night which meant, obviously, Louie Anderson was going home. He did, but not before tumbling off a 20-foot diving platform like a Teddy Ruxpin that had just been kicked down the stairs by an unruly toddler. It was, however, amazingly unfunny. I've either matured since the start of this season or I'm too disgusted with what my life has become to care anymore. Seriously, what kind of man man watches Splash, forces his wife to join him and then writes about it on the internet?
So, Louie is going home, Katherine continues to dive wearing fetish costumes, and Kareem remains freakishly tall. That was the fourth episode of Splash, I guess.
Quote of the Night: "I can barely flip in bed." -Louie Anderson, on how he felt about performing a somersault (That is so depressing.)
Wife Quote of the Night #1: On Katherine Webb's profoundly shitty dive: "She looked like an SVU victim being thrown into the channel." (I'm not sure what channel she was referring to, but you get the idea.)
Wife Quote of the Night #2: Finishing host Joey Lawrence's sentence which began "So, who will go home tonight...": "The one in the giant bumblebee costume or the one in the sexy bathing suit?"
Splash-related Tweet of the Night: @GlobeEricWilbur "It all comes down to Louie Anderson." A phrase never uttered until tonight. #splash #forthetroops