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Saturday, July 20, 2013

***UPDATE***: You want bottomless fries with that, Bub?


A lot has happened since I posted my not-at-all scathing review of Red Robin's Berserker burger, the "official" burger of 20th Century Fox's The Wolverine, opening July 26, 2013.  Strap yourselves in, because this update is going to get real exciting real fast.

1. On July 15, I directed the following three tweets to Red Robin's official Twitter account, @redrobinburgers:

.@redrobinburgers I recently purchased a Berzerker at one of your establishments and it was not served on the promised brioche bun.

.@redrobinburgers I, like most people I interact with on a daily basis, enjoy brioche in all of its forms. I wanted that brioche.

.@redrobinburgers I don't know how you usually hand these situations, but I would greatly appreciate it if someone got back to me.

I followed this up with a quick tweet to Red Lobster (@redlobster):

.@redlobster Please fix the misspellings in your commercials.  It should be "see" food differently, not "sea." Easy mistake.

I haven't had time to watch a lot of live TV recently.  Have they corrected the problem yet?  You can let me know on Twitter at @FilmFlan.

2.  A few hours after my Berzerker tweets, @redrobinburgers responded to my complaint:

@FilmFlan Sounds like we missed the mark, Matt!  Please DM your phone number and the location so we can follow up directly!

My first thought was, "Wow, I'm really doing something important for America."  Keep in the mind, the day I posted my Berzerker review, George Zimmerman was found not guilty and an already divided country became just a titch more divided.  What I'm trying to say is that I was doing absolutely nothing important for America at all.  Rather, I had fallen into the role of the Complaining Asshole, the type of obnoxious, distinctly-American jerk-off who rants and raves about the dumbest of things (the temperature of one's coffee; the quickness with which one's double-bacon chili-cheese burger is delivered via drive-thru window; the lack of brioche in one's bun, etc.) and expects to be recognized for it.  Of course, I was mostly doing it to be funny, but I'd be lying if I said part of me wasn't hoping for a free onion ring tower on my next Red Robin visit.

My next thought was, "Why so many exclamation points, Red Robin?  Why are you so excited to discuss your failures with me?"

Then I thought, "Oh no.  I'm going to have to talk to another human person about my dissatisfaction with a burger I actually kind of liked and didn't even know wasn't supposed to be served on a sesame seed bun.  I'm about to be exposed for the whiny, American jerkwad I've apparently become."

And finally I thought, "This will be funny for the blog.  I'm-a do it."

So, I DM-ed (direct messaged) Red Robin (who is following me now, by the way) with 3 MORE MESSAGES!  Gosh, I hate myself:

I'd be happy to give you my email address: [REDACTED]. Location I dined at was [REDACTED]

I don't want to get anybody in trouble, I was just kind of shocked (after the fact) that my Berserker looked NOTHING like the one online.

Thanks for the quick response. In general, I've had nothing but good experiences at your restaurants, was just kinda bummed.

3. The following was tweeted at me on July 16:

@FilmFlan Thanks for the DMs, Matt!  Let us know if you don't hear back in the next day or two!

Whoever maintains Red Robin's Twitter account is so excited about everything.  But that's what it takes to succeed, I guess.

4. I didn't hear anything from Red Robin for awhile.  Then yesterday, I received the following e-mail:

Good afternoon Matt!

I wanted to reach out to you and talk with you about the feedback you provide on line. I’m sorry we did not meet the expectations for the burger you saw on TV. I would like to talk with you live about this to get some more details.

If you could provide the best time and number to call you, I will reach out then.

Thanks for your time and feedback. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely, Dave

Dave Riley
Regional Operations Director
Red Robin Gourmet Burgers

"OK," I thought, "this has gone far enough.  It's not like I was sexually assaulted by the waitress or was refused service for being bald in public.  I was literally given the wrong style of bun without an explanation and denied the proper hamburger accoutrement (i.e. lettuce and tomato) (they weren't even offered on the plate as a possibility).  The burger tasted fine.  Not great, but fine.  What am I doing?"

That, of course, did not stop me from writing ol' Dave back this morning:

Hi Dave: 

 My direct contact number is [REDACTED]. You can call me any time really. 

It's not a huge deal, but I was pretty surprised when the burger I was served looked nothing like the burger that was advertised. I mean, I think we can both agree there is a big difference between a run-of-the-mill sesame seed bun and one made of brioche. 

Again, thanks for taking the time to get in touch with me about this extremely trivial matter. I look forward to your call. 

matt.

And that's where it stands for now.  Stay tuned for future updates.

OH!  Since I was fairly certain Red Lobster was going to ignore me, I tried giving advice to another chain eatery this week:

.@wendys Had the pretzel bacon cheeseburger last night.  Maybe a little salt sprinkled on the bun?  Might be good?

Wendy's promptly, and excitedly, responded within hours:

@FilmFlan Thanks for the suggestion, Matt!

Ugh.  They're not going to do it.


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