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Saturday, August 3, 2013

What Is It?: Twerking

It's time for What Is It?, the Giant Electric Penguin feature in which I catch up with something (phenomenon, musical artist, TV show, condom flavor, etc) that everybody else on the planet is pretty much sick of, but that I missed for some reason.

The first time I can remember hearing the word "twerk" was in the Justin Timberlake song "SexyBack," the popular tune in which the handsome singer announced to a world so desperate for the sexiness that had so long ago abandoned us and disappeared into the black hole of time, that he was bringing said sexiness back.  The word in question was spoken-sung by producer Timbaland.  The line, if I'm remembering it correctly, was something like, "Show me what you're twerkin' with," I believe.  At the time, I thought Timbaland had simply created a fun new way to say the word "work."  Rappers and hip hop producers do that all the time, create new words and phrases for white people to co-op and use ad nauseam until all beauty and hipness is lost.  On behalf of lame white people everywhere, I thank you, rappers and hip hop producers.

It wasn't until the recent release of Miley Cyrus's "We Can Stop" video, that "twerk" once again entered my life.  People were appalled/delighted/confused by Cyrus's video, in which she, apparently, "twerks it up" throughout.  I watched the video a couple of times and recognized that Miley had, in fact, put in the "twerk" to craft a super weird video for a fairly ho-hum track, but that couldn't have been what people were so enchanted/bothered/sexually- aroused-and-subsequently-sexually-frustrated by.  "Twerk" must have meant something else.  But what?  For the answer I turned, as I always do in these situations, to  Here are some of the definitions I found:

--Ghetto dancing
--a fancy word for "booty poppin"
--white girls in yoga pants having sex with the air OR black girls in 2 sizes too small shorts having sex with the wall
--The rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner with the intent to elicit sexual arousal or laughter in ones intended audience

So, "twerk" has something to do with "ass."  As a confirmed (and licensed!) ass-man, I was intrigued.  I took my quest to uncover the mysteries of "twerking" to YouTube and discovered that EVERYBODY twerks:

Wal-mart shoppers!

Library patrons who also shop at Wal-mart!

Probably drunk IHOP customers!


And if watching all of these fine people (and that weird  dog) "twerk" have made you want to try "twerking" yourself, well, YouTube's got that covered too:

Guys, I followed the "twerking" instructions in this video and made my own pretty great "twerking" video.  You can check it out on my Faceunion page or do a quick search on Searchling for  "Bald, 34-year-old dad TWERKZ."  You can also find it on your Craig's Phone app.  And, heck, I'll post it on my old MySite page too (Who still uses MySite, right?  Sheesh!). 

So what do I think about "twerking?"  Well, I'm not really sure it counts as dancing, but I'm not against it.  "Twerking" appears to be something anyone of any race can practice and enjoy, and it is one of those rare cultural phenomenons that have not only been embraced by humans, but the dog community as well.  

Oh, hell, this is a place for honesty.  I like big butts and I cannot lie, OK?  "Twerking" is all right with me.  "Twerk" it up, America!

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