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Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Coffee Bowl

So many terrible things have happened over the past few weeks: the untimely death of Philip Seymour Hoffman; the misguided and vitriolic, yet sadly unsurprising, #FuckCoke movement; the Broncos lame performance in the Super Bowl; the fact that I couldn’t find my keys this morning and had to use the spare key I have for when I take my car in to be serviced. We’re talking terrible, terrible things. 

However, Giant Electric Penguin is first and foremost interested in the weird minutiae of pop culture, so, let’s take a look at this featurette for the hit film, That Awkward Moment, specifically the moment around 0:25:


I had planned to write about this last week, before That Awkward Moment--or TAM as me and my boys call it when we get together for impromptu pal-arounds and what-have-yous-- popped it’s handsome head into theaters. Now I just need to get this out into the ether before TAM dissipates into an AXE-scented mist and floats away on the breeze. This thing did not do well, which is a surprise to me, because I thought people loved movies based on internet speak. 

I don’t care how much money TAM didn’t make last weekend. I’m not here to kick a film when it’s down. I want to discuss the moment in the above trailer when the young lady tells the young man she’s breaking up with him because he chooses to drink his coffee out of a bowl rather than the widely accept coffee receptacle, the mug. 

1. I haven’t seen the movie, so maybe the fact that Zac Efron’s character is drinking coffee out of a cereal bowl is indicative of a larger problem. Maybe his sink is filled with dirty dishes and the only thing he has available for his morning cup of coffee is a bowl. If that is the case, the aforementioned young lady is clearly within her rights to be as annoyed as she appears to be. 

2. But, what if Efron simply enjoys coffee more when he drinks it out of a bowl. Like, maybe he’s a coffee connoisseur who knows a little bit more about coffee than your average coffee drinker. Perhaps the bowl really opens up the flavor profile of the coffee. Or maybe he just takes a lot of cream in his coffee, too much cream for your average mug to behold. If that’s the case, this woman is terrible. Breaking up with someone because of some strange quirk—if, in fact, drinking coffee out of a bowl counts as a quirk at all—is fairly shallow. You knew Efron enjoyed bowl coffee the first time the two of you went out for breakfast. You probably thought it was novel, cute even. But, over time, it began to grate on your nerves. You started asking yourself, “What’s with Efron and the coffee bowls? It’s kind of weird actually. And everybody stares at us whenever we hit IHOP.” I doubt it. It’s probably something else. So, not only is this young lady shallow, she’s also a liar. You’re better off, Efron! 

3. Nobody drinks coffee out of a bowl. There is some connection between this and men eating potpourri in movies—a trope regular readers of the blog know I hate—but I can’t quite figure it out. If you can, let me know in the comments. 

4. Correction: At least one person on this planet has enjoyed a hot bowl of coffee, and it was either the writer of this film or one of his college roommates. Coffee bowls smack of college or post-college stories one person thinks is hilarious and, therefore, one day, needs to be shared with the world via a wide-released motion picture.

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