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Thursday, July 30, 2015

The Most Horrific Thing I've Read This Week!

Movie theater shootings!  Police brutality!  Institutionalized racism!  The last few weeks have been rife with pain, violence, death and destruction.  But did you know you can now purchase a ribeye steak from your local Dollar Tree?  For eating purposes?!?  It's true, and the worst part is, I think I already knew this at one point and had successfully pushed it out of my brain.  But then, silly me, I go bopping around the internet this week and come face to face with a horror I thought I'd left behind.


Ribeye steaks for sale at the Dollar Tree?

It sounds to be good to be true, but the store's latest craze has the Internet sizzling with reviews.

"To be good to be true?!?"  First of all, you got a "be" too many in there, pal.  Secondly, what sounds "good" about a one-dollar steak?  I'm not some corporate fat cat who eats out at fancy steakhouses every night, treating international clients to cocktails and choice cuts, with high-end hookers and cocaine for dessert, but when I eat a steak--which I've been known to do on occasion--I want a quality slab of meat, not a construction-paper thin slice of beef with-painted-on grill marks.  There is a reason steak is considered a "special occasion" food to us Average Joes and Janes.  It means we saved up a little, put some cash aside for something nice, something quality, something we've seasoned ourselves rather than cutting it out of plastic bag "preseasoned in a brine."

That "preseaoned in a brine" bit gave me pause.  I decided to consult my favorite cook, my wife, on this topic.  The following is our high-octane, super-exciting text conversation on the subject:

In her defense, she was very busy doing actual, meaningful work.  She did tell me at dinner that night though, that some steaks (i.e. not of the $1 variety) come pre-brined and that I, in fact, I've eaten a pre-brined steak on many occasions.  So, OK, maybe the "preseasoned in a brine" thing isn't that gross, but still, I like to season my own steaks.  Little pepper, little salt, grilled fast on a high heat, rare to medium rare, occasionally a small ramekin of steak sauce on the side for dipping purposes (not used as often now that I'm an adult, but sometimes I indulge), maybe a baked potato and a house salad (mostly cheese) on the side.  That's a steak dinner.  And that's a steak: simple, not-overcooked, delicious.  I don't want to make excuses for the steak I'm eating.  "Well, it's chewy, but it cost a dollar, so I'll cram into my mouth.  No big whoop!"  If that's how you view eating a steak, then stopping eating steak RIGHT NOW!  Show some respect!  A cow died for that meal!

OK.  I got it all out of my system.  Time to forget this whole Dollar General steak story again.

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