Anyway, I don't really care about the Oscars any more, but I do love movies more than anything, besides than my family and Taco Bell, so, it is now time for the traditional unveiling of my Top Ten Films of 2015 list, or, rather, the 10 films released last year, out of the 14 that I actually saw, that I enjoyed the most. Per usual, I haven't had the time to see a handful of films that I know should be on this list, but that's how it goes every year, so there is no use getting upset about it. I actually have 2 DVDs sitting right here next to me--American Ultra and No Escape, both released in 2015--that could've been contenders for this year's list, but I've run out of time to watch them, and it's time to post, so, you know, sorry, bro.
Anyway, here are my 10 favorite movies from last year.
10. Jurassic World: Look, I'm in the bag for any movie that has something to do with Jurassic anything (I'm a guy who genuinely enjoyed Jurassic Park 3!), and then someone goes ahead and puts Star-Lord in it?!? You're on the list, Jurassic World. You had me at raptors, and you sealed the deal with Pratt. Also, I saw Jurassic World with my mommy and daddy, so that was fun.
9. Tangerine: For awhile, I thought the only thing I would appreciate about this movie was the fact that it was shot on iPhones (Kinda like how the only interesting thing about Escape From Tomorrow was that it was filmed in secret at both the Disney World and Disneyland resorts.), but then Tangerine started to grow on me. What started as a "people walking around and yelling" movie turned into a funny/sad slice-o-life story about a community not often depicted on the silver screen. Tangerine features two amazing central performances and some great music. I guarantee a bunch of garbage iPhone-filmed movies will follow in its wake, so just check out the original.
8. The Revenant: Look, I agree with everybody's complaints. The Revenant is overlong, overrated and, as Tom Scharpling so aptly described it on his show, it sounds like the entire cast was engaged in a Bit-O-Honey eating contest during every scene. Also, the scene with the bear: while I can recognize that the CGI is expertly done, I was never not aware that I was watching Leonardo DiCaprio be mauled by a video game cut scene. And DiCaprio should have been nominated and won for Wolf of Wall Street, blah, blah, blah. All of that is accurate. But The Revenant is a beautifully shot film, I mean, it looks amazing. Should a film win Best Picture because of this? No, it should win Best Cinematography. Whatever my problems with the (lack of) story and the garbled dialogue (I love Tom Hardy in this, but he sounded like Bane and his character from Lawless had a baby and then smashed all of said baby's teeth out with a wooden mallet) aside, The Revenant was a pleasurable experience for the eyes, and that's why it made the list.
7. Ant-Man: Ant-Man was just fun, guys. I didn't hate Avengers: Age of Ultron, but you'll notice it didn't make the list. Ant-Man did though, and that's because it's fun and funny and the final fight between Ant-Man and Yellowjacket is amazingly clever and, I dunno, fun.
6. Star Wars: Episode VII: The Force Awakens: It's a Star Wars. It's great.
5. Mission Impossible-Rogue Nation: I'm on record as being America's #1 Mission Impossible franchise fan (not true--there's no record of it--that would be ridiculous). I hope they keep making Mission Impossible movies until the Earth implodes or President Trump starts a nuclear war with North Korea or Xenu's Second Coming, because I'll see them all. They are America's answer to James Bond, and like everything America does, they're way better. USA! USA! USA! You don't see Spectre on this list, do ya?! Exactly.
4. Dope: I completely agree with everyone's complaints about this year's Academy Awards. It's shameful. I've heard a lot of people mention Creed (a movie I'd really like to see) and Straight Outta Compton (which I want to see, but I can wait), but I haven't heard anybody mention Dope. This movie is something special, and that's why it's in the #4 spot. It reminded me of the movie Go, a film from 1999 that I absolutely loved. Dope feels like a Go for this generation. It's got a frenetic energy and a twisted sense of humor that cannot be denied. Plus, it's got probably the best soundtrack of the year. Fun Fact: Dope is one of two movies featuring Zoe Kravitz that made my list, which officially makes Zoe Kravitz my favorite actor of all time. Thems the rules.
3. It Follows: If you know me, you know I am a horror fan, an aficionado if you will, so you can trust me when I tell you that It Follows is one of the best horror movies I've seen in the last ten years (I will also tell you that 2016's The Witch is also amazingly great, so, see it.). It's got a great look and, once again, an amazing soundtrack. And it's scary. And great. And I loved it.
2. Inside Out: Beautifully animated, beautifully written and beautifully voice acted, Inside Out is an instant masterpiece. Quality entertainment for everyone, but--and please don't get mad at me, non-kid-having readers, because I respect your decision to preserve both your free time and your sanity--but so much more meaningful (and gut-wrenching) for parents. I love it, it tore me to pieces--I don't think I've cried harder at any other movie ever--and my daughter loved the French fry trees, so, see, something for everyone.
1. Mad Max: Fury Road: Pure cinema. My favorite movie of 2015, and maybe ever. Should win every Oscar.
So, what were your favorite movies from last year? You better not say Black Mass, because you're wrong. Let me know in the comments or shoot me an e-mail at the address or above or like our Facebook page or don't do anything, I don't care.